Dear K,

I realize it’s been over 15 years since we’ve seen or spoken to one another but as I work through healing from things that have happened in the past I’ve been reaching out to those individuals who had a major impact on my life all those years ago.

I want you to know that I forgive you for the things that you said and did. When I moved to that tiny town 25 years ago I was coming into it with my own heavy baggage and I can acknowledge that I may have made it challenging for others to get to know me. Objectively, you and I should have been friends
all those years ago. We were in the same class, went to the same church, and your family was friends with my extended family yet you chose instead to bully me and make me feel small, powerless, and insignificant like I had no friends in the world and somehow deserved every mean word and action hurled my way.
This forgiveness I’m offering you is not me excusing your behavior in the slightest. What this forgiveness does is release me from the pain I’ve been carrying for 25 years. The things you said and did to me for the 10 years we were in each other’s orbit may not have seemed significant to you and you may not have thought about them in the years since but they altered the course of my life in many ways and while I can now see that you may have had your own struggles and thought that bullying and harassing me somehow made you more powerful and released some of your own pain. Your life may not have been the sunshine and roses that you wanted to portray, based on your family’s behavior towards me – a virtual stranger – I can only imagine how they were to those they considered family. I hope you find healing from any pain and trauma you may have experienced at their hands and that you are able to find a better path forward.

I know from family who still live in town that you’re married now with a child of your own and my hope is that you can do better for them than your family did for you. I hope that your wife has never lived through the pain of having someone tell them to “not bother coming to school on Monday” and encouraging them to “kill yourself this weekend”. I hope that your son never knows the struggles of not having a safe space to express himself and that he never knows the sadness of having to be followed home from school listening to the taunts of those people who should have been his friend. I hope you know peace and safety, that you are in a place in your life where words are no longer your weapon.

As for me, I have peace now – I removed myself from the toxic environment of that small town 15 years ago and choose not to look backward. You may have heard that I’m married now, which is true – my husband and I got married over a decade ago and I’m living a life that I can be proud of working in a career that I am passionate about and allows me to help those who need me the most. I choose to have a very small circle of friends who show me the friendship I should have known all those years ago. I hope you know now that words are powerful and are more careful and considerate in what you choose to say to those around you. I hope you are able to live a life that you can be proud of and that you are able to find fulfillment. I forgive you for the things that you said and did all those years ago and while I have no desire to have any sort of friendship with you just know that I wish you light and love in
your life.

All the best,
S