Dear N,
4 months…that’s the length of time between when you abandoned me the last time and when you texted me and told me that you missed me again. 4 months is also the length of time it took for me to let my guard down just a little bit and for you to decide I wasn’t worth the effort again.
I don’t know much about sports but I do know that you get 3 strikes before you’re out and apparently I was on my 3rd strike with you and didn’t even know it. I’m here again wondering what happened between us that put you in a position of thinking your only way out was to ghost me again and just stop talking to me. After 72 hours of trying to talk to you and having my messages ignored I finally got the hint.
They say that hurt people hurt people and I guess you and I are just two hurt people who can’t stop hurting each other. I was willing to give you space and time to figure out what was bothering you and I foolishly hoped you would start talking to me again but I guess I was wrong. I was willing to acknowledge my part in hurting you and trying to figure out the path forward but I couldn’t do it alone. It would be easy to blame you for everything and paint myself as the victim of another person who abandoned me. But I wouldn’t do that, it’d be tainting the memories of everything we shared and shrouding it in a veil of hatred and pain.
I loved you, I still love you – that hasn’t changed since the first time I saw you 18 years ago. I don’t know when it changed for you, but somewhere along the way I stopped being someone you loved. I don’t blame you, I’m hard to love. But you were always willing to try until now. I don’t know what happened and maybe I never will but it was the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs and I was willing to swing for the fences. Unfortunately I didn’t know that I had 2 strikes and was going for my 3rd.
Just please know that I still love you and miss you. I’m willing to figure it out but only if you are right there beside me.

Love,
S