To All the Teachers I’ve Had Before,

I realize it’s been over 15 years since we’ve seen or spoken to one another but as I work through healing from things which have happened in the past I’ve been reaching out to those individuals who had a major impact on my life all those years ago. It would be easy for me to be angry with you for the things which happened during my formative years but I’m choosing instead to extend you forgiveness.

I know it’s been over a decade since I set foot inside those doors and my hope for the students who walk those halls is that things have changed since I was there because the school system I was a part of failed me. I know there were those of you who tried to reach me, even when I felt unreachable. The ones who saw me for the person I was and acknowledged the pain I was so obviously feeling – the chemistry teacher who had no problem with me abruptly walking out of the classroom because there was a family emergency and I needed to be reachable in case something happened, the history teacher who’d let me leave campus and drive to visit a sick relative in the nursing home so I could spend extra time with them in their last last couple of years, and the social sciences teacher who actively stood up to my bullies and stood up for me saying that behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated.

But for every teacher who tried there were those of you who failed me. From the school counselor who saw the cuts on my arms and instead of getting me help just stared at me slack jawed and let me walk back out, never checking back in with me to see what they could do to help. Or the gym teacher who allowed me to be bullied by his own son and his friends because it was easier to turn a blind eye to the behavior than to be a teacher or parent and to force them to change. And the English teacher who instead of encouraging my love of reading and the written word tried to get me to dumb myself down because it was making the other students uncomfortable, telling me that reading the books I was reading was intimidating the other students and my vocabulary use was unsettling them.

For every teacher who would stand up to my bullies and try to shut them down there were three more who stood by and merely watched everything that went down. Every time when I was crying out for help, but instead of offering support you labeled me a “problem” and with that – you failed me. You saw me, saw what was happening and chose to look the other way.

I can look back now and acknowledge that things were different when I was in school. We didn’t have the research in to the damage bullying does on a child 15 – 20 years ago. I want you to know that I forgive you, that’s the point of this message. You had a responsibility to protect me all those years ago but I can look back with clearer vision now and see that you had your hands tied in many ways. You were hamstrung by being in a small school district, without access to the resources that may have existed in larger districts. I acknowledge my own part in what transpired, I wasn’t forthcoming in asking for help and seeking out the resources I needed to succeed.

My hope is that you took what happened to me and learned from me so that no other student in the school lives through what I had to endure. I hope no other student has to witness their teachers stand by and witness the bullying with no support. I hope the next student you have who skips more classes than they attend isn’t merely labeled “depressed” and asked to get a doctor’s note. I hope those students are given the support they need to thrive in school. I hate that I needed to be a learning experience for you but I sincerely hope that I was, because that means the road was a little bit easier for the next student.

I struggled with being able to be in a classroom for many years and being near a school building terrified me but I want you to know that with my own hard work and healing I was able to graduate from college later in life and have been working at a job that I love and am successful at for almost 5 years. I am married to a wonderful person who supports me and demonstrates to me that I am worthy even when I feel worthless. I have thrived when I could have chosen to wither on the vine and I did that on my own.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean absolution, I forgive you for failing but please know that I don’t absolve you of responsibility. Students deserve to be honored and protected when they walk through your doors and I hope you are able to provide a safe space for all students. I hope you know now that words are powerful and that choosing not to act has a bigger impact than stepping up and stepping in. I hope you are all able to live a life that you can be proud of and that you are able to find fulfillment. I forgive you for the things that you said and did all those years ago and I wish you all light and love in your lives.

Sincerely,

S

Class of 2006