Dear N,

I’ve sat down and tried to write this letter to you a million times. I want to tell you how much you hurt me, how much I hate you, and how much I wish you had stayed under the rock you hid under for 3 years. But I can’t tell you those things because I don’t hate you. I’ve said it before but hate is easy. Hating you gives you power over me. Too many people have had power over me for too long. I need to reclaim my power. So no, I don’t hate you and I wish I did because that would make my feelings for you make sense and right now nothing makes sense. 

I could post the screenshots of every message that you’ve sent, every time you told me that you missed me and loved me. The times that you told me you wanted to be with me. I believed you. I thought that maybe after 3 years things had changed, I’ve grown, I’ve healed in a lot of ways, I thought you had too. Unfortunately I was wrong.

You ghosted me, for no reason that I can think of – just one day it was ‘poof’ and you were gone. I tried messaging you and no response, for a while I thought maybe you were busy and just couldn’t talk. Then I realized it was purposeful. You were choosing to ignore me. Choosing to not respond. And that, that hurt. I wish you had never messaged me again if that was your intention.

I’m not going to post the screenshots of our conversations, no one else needs to know what we said to one another. I know and you know. I know what you said, I know what I believed, but only you know what you meant. 

I’ve deleted you but I haven’t blocked you – I’m keeping the door open just in case you change your mind and decide to respond. 

I know these letter are meant to be unsent but I’m going to send you the link to this site and let you read them for yourself if you want – maybe you’ll respond, maybe you won’t. But I’ll know that I tried. I tried letting you in, I tried to restart things with you which is what you said you wanted, I tried. Sometimes it’s not do or do not but it is try. 

My DMs are open to you, my phone line is open to you – you just need to tell me the truth instead of telling me what you think I want to hear. 

-S